Pink And Yellow Sweater
by Babylon By Candlelight
Summary: Paige wishes she'd never bought that ugly sweater. She wishes it wasn't too late to take it back... to take everything back. [Oneshot, companion piece to When Love Is Gone]


**_Disclaimer:_** Degrassi, as much as I have begged it to, will not leave its owners and become mine. All I can do is continue to dream of the day we'll be together at last.

**_Author's Note:_** This is a companion piece to my one-shot "When Love Is Gone", written in Paige's POV.

When I woke up this morning, she was gone. Granted, it was only a few feet away in the bathroom, but I instantly missed the warmth her body provided when it was lying next to mine. Still, I decided that 5:00 was _way_ too early to be conscious, despite Alex's protests that if I took two hours to get ready, I would get up two hours early to make up for it. I hit the sleep button and pulled the covers over my head, slightly annoyed that Alex would change the alarm clock settings when _I_ was the one who lived here. Still, it was a little thing to make a big deal out of, and I simply didn't have the energy to.

However, it took only five minutes to realize that I wouldn't be getting back to sleep, and I rolled out of my soft bed and padded over to the bathroom, relieved that Alex had already gotten out of there. I stepped into the shower, and to my dismay, heard a sigh of annoyance from my bedroom. I turned the water to an almost scalding temperature and sat down in the shower, letting the water flow over me as I rested my head on my knees.

Things hadn't been the same between Alex and me lately. I first noticed how snippy she had been when Hazel, Marco, Ellie, Alex and I went to the mall for winter shopping. Hazel wanted me to try on this pink and yellow sweater – it was perhaps the ugliest thing I'd ever seen in my life, but she seemed to like it. Even as I took it into the dressing room, I was planning the excuses I would make for not buying it – it didn't fit, wool made me itch; I would rather die than be seen in something that hideous. It didn't even look good on me; I have yellow undertones to my skin, not rosy ones like Hazel, and it made me look like I had jaundice. I looked _sallow_, and that was the deciding factor. Even if something is ugly, I will buy it if I look good in it. But this was something I simply could not endure.

Then, I thought. Hazel really liked it; Hazel had the complexion for it. I could buy it, claiming it was for me, and then give it to her for Christmas. My eyes lit up with the idea, and I immediately purchased it.

After that, Alex seemed to be annoyed with me about every little thing. I couldn't understand why; I didn't think she was jealous that I would buy something for Hazel, because she didn't know what I was going to do with the sweater. I was afraid she was going to leave me, and I didn't want to lose her. I tried to do the things she used to like in me – pleading with her to come to the mall with me after she refused, because deep down, she did want to go, and getting her to come along by pouting; calling her "Lexi", and "Lexi-bear". Everything I did seemed to drive her further and further away.

I wiped my tears away, quickly rinsed off, and stepped out of the shower. I got dressed in a green tank top, white shorts, and white platform sandals. My make-up was flawless as always, and I looked extremely hot, if I do say so myself.

"I love you, Alex," I said, smiling at her in the mirror. When no response came, my smile fell, and I kept waiting for her to say something – _anything_.

"We're going to be late to school again if you don't hurry up, _Princess_."

Alex's voice brought me back to reality, and I winced at how cold she sounded. The nickname bestowed upon me months before had turned into a taunt, almost a curse. I looked away from her, but she seemed to realize how she had hurt me, and kissed my forehead, asking me more gently to come with her to school now. I obliged.

I didn't pay attention to any of my classes. I moved through school mechanically, thinking only about the end of the day when I would see Alex, and we could have another chance to make things better. I loved her; I couldn't imagine life without her beside me. I knew we could talk it out, and go back to being happy and in love again. Finally, the last bell rang, and I bolted from my class, completely ignoring what Marco had been saying to me. He would understand once Alex and I were okay again.

To my dismay, Alex hadn't come to my house after school. I tried not to feel too disappointed; after all, we didn't need to be together every second of every day, did we? Of course not, that was silly. And she might call me later, to get together. Yes, that was just like Alex, to leave things to the last minute. (In reality, I knew that it wasn't like her at all, but I had to convince myself that nothing was wrong. I suppose I had been doing that for a few months now.)

The phone eventually rang, and Alex was on the other end, asking me to meet her at a park that was only a few blocks from my house. Happily, I agreed, and ran practically the whole way there, though I of course walked casually the last few feet, so that I didn't appear over-eager to see her. Still, I couldn't be _more_ ecstatic. She would apologize, we would talk about whatever was bothering her, we'd say we loved each other, kiss, and everything would be fine again. Even better – I wouldn't _make_ her apologize. I would forgive her right now, and speed up the process of getting over it. She opened her mouth to speak, and I beat her to it

"Alex baby, I know what you're going to say, and it's all right. I forgive you for how you've been acting lately." I smiled at her, seeing her astonished expression. I took it to mean that she was amazed that I wasn't demanding an apology, gifts, diamonds, anything to make her forgive me. I continued, hoping to set her mind at ease, "I know you've been stressed lately, and I can accept that. And Lexi-bear, I know we're going to be okay, because I love you." There. Now, I would wait for her to answer with 'I love you too Paige,' and all would be right with the world.

"Paige… I don't."

Wait… what?

"What do you mean?" I asked in confusion, hurt spreading across my face. She doesn't love me? No, I know, she means that she doesn't love _herself_, that she can't forgive herself for how she's been acting. Oh, my poor Alex!

"I'm sorry Paige," she continued. My heart stopped, and my mind cried, _Oh, God, please no!_ "Paige, it's over. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."

I stared at her, wondering how I could have gotten everything so wrong. How could I have been such an idiot? At a loss for words, and damn determined not to let her see me cry, I turn and I ran.

I wish I had never bought that stupid sweater. Maybe then, Alex would still love me.


End file.
